The Hat
by papercranium
Summary: Sirius bought a new hat... Yaoi, Oneshot, RemusxSirius, PWP -written for a good friend of mine-


Sirius Black was a man of style. He took his appearance seriously, but acted as if he didn't care. But on the contrary, the wizard spent many years of his life perfecting his sexy aura.

Men wanted to be him, women wanted to be his fuck buddy. But to their dismay, Sirius' hot, horny heart was meant for one person, and one person only.

"Moony," James said to the smaller wizard, staring at him across the room. "Have you seen Padfoot lately?"

The two students had been sitting in a hidden room that normally had an unlockable door that belonged to the four marauders, and was used by them often.

"No," the boy replied, his nose deep within yet another book. "He's probably screwing another innocent girl again." It pained the wizard to say such things about the man he loved so much, but he knew it was most likely the truth.

Remus had always thought of himself as a well read man. Someone who'd go far in life. He was quite taken with Sirius, he had always been. The way his hair would fall down by his face, the way his eyes would have a mischievous sparkle when he looked at timid lycanthrope. Remus had daydreamed many times of what sex would be like with such a seductive teen. A shiver went down his back everytime he imagined Black whispering in his ear, 'Let's fuck...'

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a fake gasp come from across the room.

"That hurts, Moony!" Sirius announced, walking over to the bookworm. Remus stared at him up and down. He started from his feet, up to his crotch- on which he made a mental note of the size of the bulge in his pants, and also blushed- over to his beautifully crafted chest, and finally to his face. But that wasn't it. The Lupin had forgotten one part of Sirius that didn't use to be there.

A hat.

And at the same time, the Potter on the other side of the room noticed it as well.

Both James and Remus burst into hysterical laughter.

Sirius stared at the two, the most adorable look of confusion on his face.

"Th-HAHAHAHA-that hat! Ahahahaha! ITS THE MOST REVOLTING THING I'VE EVER SEEN! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" James laughed, hunched over, holding his stomach.

"HAHA- where on EARTH did you find-AHAHAH- THAT!?" Remus demanded, laughing equally as hard.

To Sirius it felt as if Remus ripped out his heart.

And crushed it.

To pieces.

Then stepped on it.

Then spit on it.

Sirius always wanted Remus' saliva on him, just not like that.

But despite this little heart break, he walked over to Remus-who had stopped laughing-, acting unharmed. The Lycanthrope held air in his lungs as the man approached.

Sirius went close to the other boy's face and whispered, "You know you think it's as great as I think it is."

Remus shivered as he felt his breath on his skin.

That was a very bad time for Remus' eyes to wander down to Sirius' crotch.

It was also a very bad time for Sirius' eyes to wander down to Remus' crotch, which he noticed was getting slightly bigger.

"I'm going to the bathroom," James announced, though neither was listening. They were too busy eyeing each others' manhood.

Sirius smirked. "See something you like?"

"No," Remus squeaked. Yes, he squeaked, but in his mind, it was a very manly squeak. A very manly squeak indeed.

Now, Sirius didn't like that. He sat down next to Remus and put his hand on the others' leg. Remus stared, his book dropping completely off his lap.

The Remus in Remus' dreams would have tackled Sirius and made out with him, but the real Remus was frozen stiff. No pun intended, if you catch my drift.

Sirius licked his lips as he moved towards Remus' 'mountain of manliness.' Rubbing the flesh through his pants, he watched while Remus nearly suffocated while holding his breath.

Remus let out a moan. You may think it was just a moan, but no, it was much more than that.

It told Sirius that Remus wanted to fuck him. Correction, wanted to be fucked by him.

Sirius let his hand creep over to unzip Remus' pants, and before the other could protest, he covered the boy's lips with his own. "S-Sirius..." Remus said, pushing Sirius' lips off his. Sirius stuck his hand in Remus' pants and grabbed his length as he spoke. "J-James will be coming back soon and- AH!" Remus let out another moan as Sirius squeezed his hardened flesh.

Sirius bent his head over and pulled up Remus' shirt. The teen got a perverted sick pleasure out of seeing Remus act shy and cute. Almost like a little boy. In a way, that made Sirius a pedophile.

Scary thought.

"Come now, you know you want more..." Sirius whispered seductively. Remus nearly came just hearing that, but he held down the growing pool of pleasure rising in his lower abdomen. Before he could protest any more, Sirius lowered himself down and licked the tip of Remus' pleasure tool. Automatically, Remus thrusted forward, wanting more. Sirius laughed an evil, sexy laugh.

"Can-ahh!- you at least t-take off that h-hat?" As much as Remus just wanted Sirius' mouth to engulf himself, that hat was ruining the whole thing. "A-and J-James will be coming-AHH!" Remus released into Sirius' mouth the second he entered it. Sirius pulled back, the delicious substance leaking down the side of his mouth.

Sirius smirked.

Swallowing the sticky substance, Sirius got up off the couch. He took the disturbing hat off of his head. Remus watched as he walked over to the door and opened it. Frantically, Remus tried to cover himself up with his hands, but failed miserably.

"Don't worry, I'm just making sure James knows not to come in..." Sirius replied, placing the hat on the door. His hands were covered in Remus' juices, but he decided that James would know not to touch the hat anyway. Sirius turned and leaned against the door, a sexy grin on his face. "So... are you ready?"

Meanwhile, over in the bathrooms, James had FINALLY gotten in. There had been an extremely long line, due to some bad vegetables served at breakfast. James had been standing in line for fourty five minutes in counting. He wondered what the other two teens were doing in the room. Probably arguing over that hat, he decided. James finished his business and washed his hands, eager to get back to the room. He wanted to laugh at Sirius' hat more.

The Potter examined his glasses in the mirror, flattened his hair, then messed it up again. He never quite knew how Sirius managed to get so many women, while he himself couldn't even get Lily to notice him.

He sighed as he made his way back to the room. When he approached the door, he noticed the hat upon the knob.

'Why would Sirius' hat be here?' he thought to himself.

And then the wheels started turning in his head.

Unfortunately, the wheels were just as stupid as James was.

He lifted the hat off of the doorknob and noticed the substance on the material. 'Oh, he got it dirty!' He concluded, grabbing the hat and getting the stuff on his fingers. 'He must have set it out here to dry off!'

So James carelessly opened the door. He stared in fear at the scene he witnessed.

At the very same time he entered the room, Remus was leaning over the couch James was sitting on before, completely naked, with Sirius thrusting into him from behind. Just as he stepped in, Remus released his seed all over the couch in a loud, sexy moan.

James was horrified.

The two in front of him stared, not moving from their positions.

James observed what was now on his favourite couch. He looked at his hand.

He made the connection.

"OH DEAR GOD!"

James Potter will never be the same again.


End file.
